Winter preparing to cook for Christmas and the New Year which holds birtdays for all of us!

I have been unable to blog lately too many viruses and i was sick too. However we are all well now and their is a rejuvenation of sorts when one comes out of being sick. There is a better understanding and appreciation for health, and a better taste pallet especially after stomach flues.
I am considering this years cookie baking and I have decided to not stress myself out. I am gonna do Melomacarona, which is the hardest of the cookies, Kourabiethes which is quite easy, sugar cookies, ginger bread shapes, and choc. chip, which are always a hit.
Now for melomacarona, this cookie is basically a sophisticated shortbread spice cookie made with olive oil. Olive oil one has to acquire a taste to it, can be an incredible flavor to cookies of this nature. The cookie also is dipped in a honey sugar lemon syrup and to some degree still retains its shortbread texture with some honey absorbed in it. The cookie has cloves, cinnamon, and alisiva( which is get this ash from the fireplace (6tbsps. in a half glass of water boiled for a while and filtered through a coffee filter), i leave out the ash a lot of times, cause i think my husband is afraid of it. Another thing keep food preparation in the kitchen kind of a secret from non cooks they spoil the chemistry. There is also brandy in this cookie and sugar rind of orange lemon and mandarin, one teaspoon each. It's a cookie for a sophisticated palate. The rest are basically butter cookies with stuff in them, not real complex cookies.
I have been thinking about mans need for myth and read something by Carl Jung on this that it is something that man desperately needs the connection to the symbolic life and mythological connections.
I am reminded again, with the current trend of the vampire films, which i haven't seen but, i have a good idea what they are about. It is an attempt for a connection to a mythology. An attempt to find a myth which will permit an eroticism that is lacking, in today's relationships. I think that is what the original pull is, the uncontrollable sexual urge which can kill you but, you go for it anyway. A primordial urge to be sexual, personified by the vampire figure. This vampire has to feed on blood the most intimate and life giving force in the body. The vampire is hopelessly addicted to this, he has to feed, and with this myth he is permitted to feed, he is even likable. It is this loss and at the same time fear of eroticism which makes these vampire films very popular with women in my opinion.
We are to some degree afraid of our vampire persona, which we all have deep down. The primordial uncontrollable sexual desire. It is a desire to live, to be intimate, to feed, to be sexual, without the intellect interfering. To a large degree we have imposed so many restrictions on this primal urge that it has become highly complicated and gone missing, from our experiences. However, we yearn for it through these vampire films don't we?
I think we are lacking a connection a mythology which would permit the sexual urges as existing and not make them taboo, or to be controlled too much. I know heathens!!! But, isn't this what we are looking for when we go to be taken into the world of the vampire?
In Greek mythology the Gods were very heathen in their urges especially sexual, i guess we have cleaned up our world a great deal. I think of Aldous Huxley and his Brave New World, all born out of test tubes yet longing for vampires!!
I do think we need magic in our lives and not the hokey Harry Potter nonsense although this again, is an attempt to bring forth a mythological connection however, still i can't get over how absolutely boring these books are and lacking in imagination. Yes, you can stone me now, sacrilege, i dared to call Harry Potter a book about an English boy who goes away to school, add a few ogres and unicorns, Boring!!! We have a boring story, he does nothing really groundbreaking, so he can fly on a broom wow wee!!!
Where is the inner connection of the reader where does the reader become startled by meeting a side of his personality which he keeps very well hidden? Where does the reader become wretched and questions forces which he knows are there but, can't control at all? Though unicorns????
We are too controlled even when we write a new mythology, because we are afraid of our lack. We are afraid of our disconnection from myth. We are no longer enthralled, we fall in love for a year maybe tops then we suffer. We are not aware of alchemy or transmutation nor do we partake in the symbolic life in our lives, through rituals.
I look at the resurgence of Orthodoxy in Russia, it is really taking off why? People wanna go to church? No, it is an attempt to participate in the symbolic life again, which was denied to them for some time. The partaking in baptism, communion, marriage ceremony, and all the other pageantry that exists.
One may argue all that stuff complicates everything there is no substance to it. That i beg to argue is false, all that stuff is the substance. Take it away and you have a thinking brain, who is alone and lost with a bunch of knowledge. Man needs to partake in the symbolic life, man needs to connect to a mythology. I don't know how to explain right now maybe another time i will get more into it. I liked when Carl Jung was writing about his travels to Africa which must have been early 1900s, and he was asking the natives about their dreams and their shaman, their spiritual leaders, and they said we no longer dream the white man has taken care of everything. I understood this to be that rationality or European rationality has taken over symbolic life and mythology for the native.
In my village they used dreams to dig for water, they didn't have geologists back then someone would have a dream and figure this was a good place to dig. There was an unconscious element which was not ignored. They didn't need to go to vampire films in order to feel that sexuality was something very primal in them, nor did they need the vampire convention, as myth for sexuality and rationality at the same time. Now, even the vampires are able to be rational, how sad, they spare people, poopey!!!
I think that is probably why Anne Rice is a better Vampire writer, her vampire is ruthless, he spares no one and feels no Guilt. I quite liked her Vampires. They were much more evolved and to some degree there was at least the absence of guilt.
Enough of vampires today, time to figure out what to cook and get my shopping done for my baking which i hope to do this weekend.

Thursday Cooking and thoughts

First, off i don't know how i get so busy I never thoughts running a household would ever require this much energy or maybe I am making it harder than it has to be.
Second, today, its gonna be chicken breast with rice. I basically boil a chicken breast in water, with some veggies, think one onion, celery and a carrot, and i take out the Vegies just to make a bit of stock. Salt pepper to taste, you don't need to over season foods, let the flavors come out of the food. Since it is only a chicken breast or two if you have a larger family it requires about 45-60 minutes of simmer time. You could add the veggies about 20 minutes before it is done. Use the stock to make a pilaf, with rice. Get some rice lets say about a cup and a half, look at how much liquid the rice takes, its usually about one cup to one and a one half ratio. And saute the rice in some butter then add the stock. You can stick it in the oven and bake it with the chicken breast or just make the rice in a pot on the stove and shred the chicken and put it on top of the rice. The key is not to over season foods, you can add some lemon on top of this if it seems to be missing something when you serve it.
Now, what I have been thinking about it detachment from religion and how in a sense Greek Orthodoxy has become in my opinion a very detached religion, however, i am severely leary of persons that have an emotional religious slant, in that i find this a bit juvenile too. I mean this kind emotional attachment to religion, and this group emotionality. However, to a degree it is what i find interesting is an intelegent approach to an Emotional Jesus. Well, this is the cultivation of a feeling which one doesn't necessarily share with others, to a degree. I will give an example I was sitting in the park in my neighborhood, with two churches i happen to live in a Catholic pocket in Athens, i don't know why Catholocism follows me where ever I go, i lived in a Catholic neighborhood in the States too. And a Greek orthodox church, then this woman who has four kids, who is trying to be a good Christian, comes up and starts, oh we were just in Sunday school, and why don't you come it is so Great, and we all love it, and honestly i said i don't like it. The reason, was because of people like her being there, if i had to spend time with this trying to be a Christian, person, i would slit my wrists, let alone go to sunday school with her and her four kids. The reason, being she exhudes this kind of we have to... or it should be... or it is this way... or yes, this is the way it is Christianity. Which goes back to my original disdain towards churches in that they can't enforce love only obedience, and to a degree lose the entire aspect of Christ in that Christ was a revolutionary bend the rules type, although i can never understand this whole circumcise, yes, no o.k. do it... stuff. Some day later, it never seemed significant anyway.
So to a degree there is a need for an Emotional Jesus, however, not a stupid Santa Clause kind of sentiment. I feel it is more an energized motion, where there is feeling, thought and action combined.
I personally, would like more emotion expressed which is intellegent, and do appreciate raw emotions too, however, they have to be balanced out to some degree too, not drawn out, think wailing widows still wearing black their whole lives in villages here, its a bit drawn out.
anyway, these are my thoughts today. Tomorrow a party, if i ever get the address to it!!!

Of course i have been thinking of things to write and cook

My fingers have been hurting lately, it can be due to too much housework, working out with weights, and also, typing and internet activity. I have had a lot of ideas lately, primaraly about dreams and how they compensate for what we aren't getting maybe in waking life, who is to say that dream life is not real. I also, am a firm believer in being able to sit still. I feel neurosis is basically, an inability to sit still with yourself, to fully stop. You get some terrific neurosis from this constant trying to do stuff.
Throughout the years, i have come to some conclusions, one is i can't be around people just to be around people, i gotta find them intelligent, and or gracious. Otherwise, why bother! I like spending time with myself, and doing stuff with myself.
Next, thing is atheletics, this has been also interesting for me, i like challenging myself, i used to do it with swimming, in the past, and will get back into it as soon as anastacia is able to dive in thirty feet of water, without worrying about it, in the sea. I do it now with strength training at home, and i don't push myself all that much anyway, just enough.
As far as cooking goes, well, i have made cinnabons again, trying to improve my recipe, which to some degree I have, and then, i have frozen some to take to friends to see how they stand up to freezing and thawing out.
Will see.
The other thing I feel is important is for older people to realize when they must not play key roles anymore, its a shame, one thing that annoys me about Greece, is the age of most people in positions, where younger energy would be better. I can't help to think it must have something to do with ancient cultures, look at Egypt and Mubarekh, as well, he is like close to ninety, come on, give it up man!!!
My pet theory is that older cultures, have this thing for real old people in what should be young positions, it keeps things rather, moldy though, and rotten!
tomorrow i will write more... i had some other thoughts but, i will be better in the morning...

Stress and starting a new venture in cooking

I have been away from blogging for the past two weeks, due to illness of child and a lot of school holidays, couple that with no time for thinking, and no blogging.
Although, i did do a lot of cooking and thinking, and deliberate non-thinking and feeling.

I think that I have finally come into my own, why does it take women age forty to GET this? I don't know better late than ever.

The things i have baked in the past few weeks, pretzels, cinnabons, and i really wanna make a leak pie this week at some point i have some leaks, but, i am so lazy i may just make them with pork, the key to this stew dish is to add prunes, in it, while it cooks, it takes the onion smell away and sweetens the dish too, and also, it takes the pork smell away if the pork bothers you.

I had some interesting conversations concerning doing a business with foods baked stuff, with a very old friend, who has come back into my life. We are both capable and i know we can do this. I also, have space as a test kitchen and it will generate an income for both of us, and also, it could be a great little venture, to be creative, and do our thing. We are gonna meet to plan particulars and get it going. Its a good proposal. I feel Greece is a good place for marketing, it really still is, for certain things.

The other thing I was thinking about is how much a product of our upbringing, education, and identification with a persona we encounter somewhere around the late teens still sort of dictates who we are at age 40.

I was thinking of how some people take things way to much and identify with them. Like writers, and artists especially, and how i definitely could tell which art school some painters went too, by looking at their work. Its hard not to be molded by our educational experiences. I think at some point though, and its not a happy point the real personality must surface, out of all this. I mean we may idolize Sylvia Plath, but, we must be careful not to become Sylvia Plath, cause her life was not great. I think it is important to have filters to our personality. I have always loved the idea of wearing masks in Greek drama, and fully believe mask wearing is a healthy thing to do, and being aware of this is also very psychologically healthy.

I do hope we get this business venture going, and it will definitely keep me out of trouble.

Pastichio- Greek pasta casserole

Today i made pastichio which is a classic Greek casserole dish. I know most people know of mousaka, but, pastichio, is more kid friendly, since it is made with pasta. Well, it is made with large macaroni, like pasta the size of pencils, including the hole in the middle, some people in the states also use large ziti, for the pasta part. Then you have a ground meat, kimas, and again, it is the seasonings, which are basic, mbahari, spice, i don't know what this is in the states, but i am sure one can get it at a middle eastern deli, and bay leaves, then your typical onion, garlic, tomato, all chopped and sauteed, with the meat, salt pepper and a bunch of parsley. Trick with parsley, and herbs, get a pair of scissors for your kitchen and snip them with the scissors.
O.k. now the trick with pastichio and mousaka is really, the bachemel sauce, five tablespoons, butter or olive oil, five flour, make a rue, add about a liter of milk, but, when you are whisking the flour and fat for your rue, add, nutmeg a good amount like a teaspoon, this is the trick, and then when you add the milk and cook the rue, add an egg and whisk real hard, so you don't cook it, you add about two cups or one and half, of hard cheese, in the states romano, in Greece i like regato, or other good sharp hard cheeses, we have plenty.

So, today, is a holiday, i had a conversation, with my husband, about my ideas about lack of stimulation and realizing your "human"and coming down to earth is depressing. He worked with a rather well, known singer the other day, on an interview for television, and he really admires this woman, but, she is not doing well, emotionally, she is in her sixties, is a very talented artistic type not these morons, that have "careers"now a days here. Some days i think he loves his job, and i said to him, its hard to accept your humanness isn't it, especially when you are talented musically, and artistically. And I presented my thoughts, he was like yeah, that is one way of looking at it.

I think that my husband and I have a lot in common, which is why I married him, we seem to have the same tastes in things, and he keeps me growing, in myself, whether he realizes it or not. I think he does. At this time of my life though sometimes i live vicariously through him as far as the outside world is concerned since i am not in a career, outside of the home. Which is frustrating if you let it become frustrating. I know it is hard to embrace, being at home and not having a career at times, but, i think this is what is happening in my life, and i may as well, accept it and just really, let it sink in and not fret over it.

The other thing even though i have been recommending David Lynch films he hasn't seen I haven't been able to stay up and watch them with him. I don't know i just love to sleep and get plenty of rest, i really rest, now i don't mess with my sleep. So, he has been getting to watch Lynch festivals, all week, without me. Oh, well, hopefully tonight, i will be rested and wake up and watch World Series Baseball!!

Baking away the blues?

I had a rather interesting day yesterday. I contemplated the ever ridiculously frustrating Greek relationships, family, and society wise, but, mostly family. I already know the formal sociological traits of collectivist vs. individualist cultures, so i am not going to educate now on that. I am for the most part a stickler for fairness too, and i don't like it if i feel my rights are being violated. The point is to be effective with my actions, not to simply react to situations.
I was also keenly aware of depression and an over stimulated life. Firstly, it started when i heard of a man killing himself at mid life, and i have seen this many times before, and it was depression. I also thought of an interview of Michael Stipe I had seen once, in which in my opinion he talked about depression or the void, or absence of stimulation.

Michael Stipe, was talking about being at a regular dinner party and feeling, shit this is so boring, i can't stand it it is so freaking well, lacking. He was used to being in front of arenas, and stadiums, adrenaline, pumping i don't know what other stimulants going through his veins, but, the sheer work up of natural endorphins, and adrenaline, would be enough, to keep you somewhat stimulated and in an altered state of mind, probably higher. Well, he said he caught himself, and said, no this is not boring this is real life, this is what it is, stop labeling it, stop stepping back from it and saying its boring.

But, i thought about this, take middle age, where allot of times people have given up their stimulants, their booze, women, narcotics of sorts, hell performing, and overall have settled down. Hello, surprise surprise, depression, unless, they find other stimulants, running, acting crazy with religions, (you know the ones that suddenly talk to God), sorry couldn't resist, pie baking, eating all the pies baked, sex, lack of sex, shopping, lack of shopping, fasting, over eating, ad nausea. It just doesn't end this hyper-stimulated existence!

I think we all have vices, addictive uses of substances to get that all right, or beyond depression feeling. How about if we stop! Can we stand ourselves, our depression, our boredom? As Michael Stipe noted, when he was at a mere dinner party! Well, talking about this depression of middle age and suicide, mostly it is males that I hear of at middle age. I wonder is it this boredom, can they not stand it?

Tough one, I like the Buddhist perception of life that heck deal with it because even if you decide to leave this place if you haven't dealt with it, you will be back till you do deal with it. In this case I like the fact that you can't get out of it, however, the question remains unanswered why can some people take it and others can't?

I guess, i need to study this more throughout life, and see what other concepts come up. Now, for my addiction release and feel goods, i baked tsourekia last night, i know it is a sweet bread with butter kind of like a brioche, with a spice called mahlepi, in it, which is kind of a sweet smelling spice, it has mastic in it which is raw gum which is ground, which really has a very wonderful aroma, i didn't have mastic, so i left it out, but, non the less, the trick to tsoureki (brioche really) is both mastic, and mahlepi spices, and if you can get it clarified, sheep's milk butter. Its, heavenly.

Today, some kind of pork dish, i don't know just pork cubes fried in water, yes water then doused with wine, or something similar, i don't know if i have any wine around, i am gonna go to my father in laws and take some of his if i don't. And simple add a chopped onion about ten minutes before taking off the heat, and lemon, salt pepper, and some herb, i have a sweet herb similar to oregano or use oregano.

Why all is fair in love and Greek Families

I was raised by Greek parents, who had fairly limited parenting skills, this is my opinion. In fact, I feel to some degree they lacked basic thinking skills or honestly didn't know what to do with a child like me. It is a wonder that i have not become a deviant criminal of sorts. Everything in my home growing up centered around the family and social peer group which were other Greeks from the same region in Greece. These were the people i was compared to, and in general this was the group i was to launch through. Now, a lot of what the girls had to endure was a completely ridiculous double standard, which existed in my family, but, not in a dictatorship kind of way. I mean in other homes there was actual nastiness, in order to uphold these moral codes and norms of the peer group. In my home it was done by the subtle manner of guilt. So, there was a lot of passive aggressive types of behavior which are the ways to imbue guilt in children. I have for the most part refused to participate in manipulating family through using this system of guilting them through the social peer group to do the right thing. Partly, because i abhor this system. However, in the Greek family, i have come to the conclusion that its the only way. It is not beneficial for someone to be brazen and self-sufficient in fact it may rob you of your inheritance, and one does not put up with the Greek family peer group pressure for nothing, and to be stripped of ones rightful inheritance. Due to the interdependency of Greek family structure, what would seem like very co-dependent games, or sick behaviors are normal and prized behaviors when relating with ones family. Although, when i engage in them i do get to some degree residual spiritual disturbances. However, these are in my opinion like turbulence within a smooth flight, necessary to the journey or task at hand.
What i have to realize is that dispassionate, self-sufficient, brazen personality traits all valued by American, or Anglo culture, are actually punished to some degree by Greek culture. I am not going to get into the particulars of this case of family disturbances, but, the family of origin is in for some turbulence. I am really, not going to tough this one out. They have to pay the piper, is my opinion.
Now, for my cooking, i have youvrelakia (meatball, with rice soup today). I don't feel like cooking i may make some cinnabons, or scones, but, i don't know my kiddo seems to love pretzels so i make some of those. I boil mine. I don't want to buy the frozen ones i am afraid of the margarine, i swear i feel like nothing can burn this substance fully. Margarine is my ultimate fat that should never be consumed.
Also, back to family, and giving them the truth, and having them own up to their behaviors, fully, i was talking to my ex co-worker last night. And what i admire in her is her tenacity and strength. She has lived in three countries all her life and she is a fighter, but, in a very good way, the way I have always felt kind of being above me to do. Why should i feel so holier than thou? Why should i have to take on other peoples slack but, expect no one to take my own when i need someone too?
Greek families, you are born into them for a reason, and in some cases it is to fight like the Dickens, as is this case, i am facing right now. It could get ugly so i warn everyone.
On a lighter note, it is my husbands Saints Feast day, St. Demetrios day, so we wished him happy feast day, he said he didn't want anything special sweets wise, so that is o.k. he is really not much of a sweets eater. I will not talk to much about him since it is a blog about me, and it is not fair to his person, to discuss him.
I don't have any incredible pearls of wisdom today. In fact i have way too much damage control cleaning to do, due to the weekend, tomorrow and Wednesday are school holidays, so this week is shot. My roses have come open, pink and white, i need to plant some rosemary bushes, i really like them, and use them for a cake, i keep taking some from this huge bush from a neighbors i told her she doesn't mind.
I also, need to purchase a scale, for the kitchen, i have just realized after 13 plus years of living here, that, cups in Europe are different than in the states, for dry ingredients etc...So, i need to be able to measure the stuff out in grams, and i cant always do it with just looking at it, although i have gotten quite good at that. I know, higher cognitive skills come into their own when cooking metric...
My paper was also read at a conference in Spetzes, for the T.E.I. Pereuas, a technical university here, it had favorable reviews, however, i don't trust favorable reviews, and i didn't get to read my own paper, so i am to some degree happy and disappointed that i couldn't read my own paper. So, you win some and you lose some, but, all is fair in love and Greek Families.

I may be a Tad too serious Even For Me at Times

I was reading (studying) Stelios Ramfos, last night, his book is called, "The Jesus Secret", i am reading it in Greek to keep me open and teachable in Greek, which i refuse to adopt as a language(internally) for some reason. English language just seems a lot easier. The way I read books now is just kind of open to a place and jump in somewhere, i don't really read them cover to cover, and in fact I am not truly interested in books that are sequential and have events. I prefer vignettes and if i writer can't write also, in a very inclusive and jam packed way, i probably won't be interested in reading it. Never the less, I jumped into a passage where he was talking about Jesus, healing an epileptic, by taking a spirit out of him, what Ramfos talked about was the faith, of the father, of the boy. He asked that he be helped with his apistia, which means faithlessness, lack of faith, but, Ramfos said, it wasn't his faithlessness at the point of the healing, but, the maybe cumulative effect of being lacking in faith, before Christ, entered, and healed, by asking them if they had faith. I think well, i need to study this more, cause Ramfos is not easy reading, at all, but, it is much more interesting to me, cause he does my favorite thing as a write, Poly-references, up the wazoo. It's like getting a really dense creation of sorts, like in cooking a perfect cake with fudge in it and spices. I also, feel that faith, in miracles is not the problem. It is the cumulative, and kind of habitual many years, of non faith, that is the problem. I don't know if this is what he meant, i wish we had our old church back, but, everyone is all over Europe, and i won't get to see him to ask him. I do miss talking to thinking people, i really do.
On another note, cooking today, i don't feel like doing any, i will make some soup in the evening, some Youverlakia, which is a meatball, soup in rice with lemon, and egg, i usually, leave out the eggs, and just use lemon juice. Anastacia, likes it and she can take it to school in her thermos, for lunch tomorrow, i made a meat sauce yesterday, with tomato base a ragu. The secret is always, to put two bay leaves, and Mbahari spice, makes it quite eastern tasting to me, meaning the far east.
I found this book that an old friend of my hubbies wrote concerning Turkish recipes, and they are quite lovely, but, she is a terrible cookbook writer. She is also a bit of a gypsy, so i can't call her up and ask her. I have been wanting to make sui bureck, which is a pie with filo which is boiled and then, buttered and stacked, in the middle feta, and baked. Like a Turkish lasagna, i have had this in Ismir, and it was my favorite Turkish (delight), while i was there. It seems laborious, i don't know if the fillos will stick together, if they touch as they boil, cause they gotta be kind of big, unless i boil them in a big round (tapsi) pan that i have? I know i will make it one day, i do think it is a beautiful bureck(pie), also this was served simply with eggs, and tomatoes, omelet, maybe with a dash of spicy paprika, on the eggs, salt pepper.
O.K. it is sunny but kind of wet out, Sunday, i should go visit my God mother, i have been avoiding this, since my godfather died, last winter, at least i saw him before he died. It is a trek though to her house from mine, and i don't have the car today, but, i may go since time is on my side today.

Thinking and Pie Making

I have a birthday party to go too, and i am preparing myself, for it, I think of it as social building for my daughter. Also, it is at six in the evening so i am not gonna eat much, which I find works best in my life to not really eat anything in the evening, however, i have lunch around three in the afternoon, so I am not starving. Now, yesterday, i made an apple pie, and the trick to apple pie, is simple, twelve whole cloves, and no cinnamon, and sprinkled brown sugar in it, kind of just gave the apple pieces a toss, in there, and coated them, i also put thin semolina on the bottom of the dough in the pie to take up any extra juices.
I made a lattice around the opening made of leaves, all those art classes in University about ten or so formal studio classes have not gone to waste. It turned out well. I made courgette meatballs, i wanted fallafel but figured where am i gonna get those beans, to grind, and the spices, and i don't feel like doing a mix from a box. Anyway, the trick with these is to put something heavy on them while they drip the water out of them for a while, you gotta get them as dry as possible. I have also, used them like crab meat in the past and put them into mushroom caps bigger ones, and baked them with olive oil and they are so good that way. A meal in itself with a nice bread which is crusty.
Luckily we have fairly good breads in Athens, so i don't have to bake my own. But, i wouldn't mind doing it.
I have also, been highly interested in my neighborhood with this asylum, type place, i am so fascinated with Mental illness. Its a convalescent home of sorts. I have been of course studying and reading Carl Jung again, and can't help but, be intrigued with his premise that behind even very degenerative chronic illnesses, like schizophrenia, there is a healthy personality in the background that sometimes comes to the surface. I also, like his own attempts at kind of going into his sub-conscious, but, he did state he was playing with fire, and that he had his feet firmly planted in the "real world"with responsibilities etc.. that kept him from staying there. He was for me a very interesting writer.
more on this later...